"Sounds like she's having the time of her life over there..."
December 14, 2001
I hear from a lot of you that it sounds like I'm "doing great" or "having the time of my life" over here. In general, that is true. There is so much to see and learn and do here. I really feel challenged and useful.
But I think I know why they call this "the toughest job you'll ever love." The highs are extremely high (read the posting on trash collection). But the lows are extremely low. I haven't been this moody since I worked for... well... instead of naming names or organizations, let's just say I haven't been this moody since I came back from Salt Lake City.
Yesterday is a good example. This is the second week of trash collection. Things are still shaky... the collection doesn't move very fast, we are always running out of day before we run out of trash barrels. People aren't sure yet that this is for real and here to stay. We don't yet have the right number of cans in the right places. So it's important to me to stay on top of the project and ensure we don't miss a beat this early in the project.
Unfortunately, it seems I'm the only one who thinks that way. All sorts of silly emergencies come up that get in the way of trash collection. One day someone needed sand delivered to a construction site, and my trash tractor was to deliver it. Since when does sand supercede trash collection? And since when is the delivery of sand an "emergency?" I would guess it could have been planned in advance. I know, I know... I still think like a Westerner!
In addition, the workers come up with any excuse possible to avoid working. Perhaps they think the oil needs changing, and it's "dangerous" to drive the tractor without changing the oil. Or perhaps there isn't any gas in the tractor... rather than asking someone for gas, they will sit in the shade all day. This absolutely drives me insane!!
Yesterday was a prime example. I arrived at work at 7:50am to find the tractor and two of my trash team members already gone. I asked where everyone was. "They are in town" was the reply. No one seemed to know where they were or what they were doing. I asked where the supervisor was... he's in town with them. I asked where my mentor was... all the managers had gone to Abidjan for a meeting, and they wouldn't be back until Monday. That leaves me with trash all over the city to clean up, half a work team, no tractor, no explanation, and no one to appeal to. And no one had discussed any of this with me in advance! The lack of planning and communication here is so annoying!!! I was so distraught!
If it seems like I'm overreacting, remember that this project is still very much in its infancy, and it's very much associated with "the white lady." If we miss a day of pickup, it's the white lady who didn't get it done. And when we miss a day of pickup, we pay the price the next day with overly heavy trash cans... my team gets cranky and our progress is even slower than normal. Besides all that, I am planning to go to Abidjan early next week. If I am in Abidjan, not here in Taabo, I am certain the trash won't get picked up.
I spent the day in bed, depressed at my predicament. Why am I here fighting all these battles? Wouldn't it be easier to return to Toledo and work at The Scrapbook Place and volunteer my extra time? There would be fewer headaches. Things would be more predictable. Why did I make this terrible choice for myself? What was I thinking? I just wasn't cut out for this type of work... for fighting all these battles... for trying to change a little piece of the world. Certainly my family and friend s would understand if I came home early. Certainly they would still love me. Certainly I could find work and housing. Why not just chuck it all now and be back in time for Christmas?
I don't know what kept me here yesterday. I slept a good bit of the day. If I had had wine or beer in the house, I would have turned to alcohol for comfort. Instead, I read some magazines (of the terrorist attack in September). I mopped my floors. I thought about packing up, then decided to leave everything there and let my neighbors have it all. They could use it anyway. I thought about leaving early for Abidjan, and spending the weekend there, but then realized I didn't have the money and I wouldn't be able to tolerate the bus trip in the mood I was in.
Sometime around 5pm I started to feel better. I decided that there are other ways to attack the problem. There are lots of projects here in Taabo I can do, working with people who really want to make things better. I decided to give the mayor's staff one more chance, and if they blow it, I will start on those other projects.
I think what really kept me here was thinking about other tough situations I've been in during this life...every time the going gets really tough and unbearable, I have another option, and I usually take it. I hated my Spanish teacher in college, so I failed his class (on purpose) and quit taking Spanish. Every time I have had it with a boss, I could find a better situation in another department (again, not naming names, but anyone who worked in Asbestos with me will recognize the description!). If I hated my living situation, I moved. I have never really made myself stay and fix something I thought was unfixable. Maybe this is my chance to learn that skill.
So I came to work EARLY today - I was here at 7am, before anyone got a chance to steal my tractor or my trash team. The managers still aren't back, but I spoke with the supervisor about the importance of staying on the collection schedule. He understands. I spoke with my trash team and offered a monetary incentive if they get trash collected each of the three days I'm gone. (I offered about two dollars each - a tidy sum around here - and the offer was greeted with applause.) They assured me they would make trash collection happen each day I was gone. They agree it's important to the town and to their families.
I know I made the right decision in staying... although the thought of spending Christmas there with you all and then working at The Scrapbook Place was very tempting! I'll keep that in mind for the next time I'm at the end of my rope.
In general, I am having the time of my life...but there are days...