March 13, 2002
I'm on strike from Taabo. I've been trying to figure out why I'm frustrated and how to make changes to reduce my frustration level. I've come up with a bunch of reasons below... What do you think?
I feel a lot better about Taabo after writing this posting. Just putting words to it, knowing that others sympathize with me, and then knowing that I have the power to change things has made me feel better. I just found out I need to come back to Abidjan on April 5 and I was actually kind of disappointed to think of having to come back so soon. I've got some changes to be making!!
I am tired of explaining that the US isn't heaven on earth, and that US citizenship doesn't solve all your problems.
The security guards at the county government building asked me how much they would earn as security guards in the US. After I estimated the income for them, they decided they would be RICH in the US. Not really, I said. First realize that 25% of your income would be withheld for taxes. (Their response: No problem, they would still have plenty left.) I estimated what a basic apartment would cost them each month in rent. (Their response: That's outrageous!! They would find one cheaper.) I estimated a monthly phone bill, gas, and electric costs (Their responses: They would live without a phone, and my estimates for the other utilities must have been too high... no one would ever pay that much for electricity...). I explained that I am NOT overestimating; that I KNOW what the prices are in the US since I have lived there my whole life. They simply refuse to believe me. Hmmm... you are willing to believe the income level I tell you but not the expense level? That seems inconsistent.
I also explained that you can't really grow your own food in the US like you do here, so you have grocery bills. (Their response: They will find a way to grow their own food so they don't have to buy food.) Their final conclusion is that they will be rich rich rich in the US, and all I need to do is help them get citizenship. Why am I not willing to help my "brothers" like that?
I'm frustrated because I have had that conversation so many times with so many people. I am sick of having it!!! No one ever believes my downside description of the US, only the upside (higher salaries... everyone has a phone... everyone has a TV... nearly everyone has a car...). My new strategy is to quit having the conversation. I will simply tell people that I cannot describe how the cost of living works in the US and leave it at that. I feel bad giving that answer... part of the reason Peace Corps exists is to teach other cultures about Americans (and vice versa). I feel like I'm not meeting that objective of the Peace Corps. On the other hand, I am gaining some sanity...
I got sucked into giving computer lessons for the county manager's secretary.
I'm not really sure how sucked into giving the lessons. It just sort of happened. One day I received a note that the county manager needed to see me right away. I dropped everything and rushed over there (in the US you would just call... but we don't have phones here!!) only to find that her "urgent" need was a computer lesson for her secretary.
The secretary has never used a computer, and she types on the manual typewriter with only two fingers. I could tell this wasn't going to be easy. In addition, Paulette's glasses do not allow her to see either the screen or the keyboard well. And when she uses the mouse, it is a full body experience. She sways and I end up with motion sickness from watching her. It's terrible!!!
To make things worse, when I arrive at the designated lesson time, if someone is in the county manager's office (where the computer is) or if the manager is on the phone, I have to wait until the office is free before the secretary and I can start our training session!! Twice I've waited over 45 minutes, and once I left after waiting an hour. We never did do the lesson that day. I think my time is more valuable than that!!
I have been giving the lessons, even though I don't enjoy it, because I thought it would be good to build up favors with the county government office. I planned to call in the favors when I started work on the library. I have now decided that in all likelihood the county office will never see this work as a favor that might be repaid (more on that below). So, for now, the lessons are off. I will tell them that I am an environmental volunteer, I need to focus on tasks associated with environmental work. Not quite sure how to make the library fit into that, but I will think of something.
I am tired of working with people who view me as a "one way street." I give and they take.
In the US, we help each other out. Perhaps I give you some computer lessons, and while it's unspoken, the next time I need a ride to the mall, you think, "Well, she did help me out with the lessons... I should help her out too." Right?
I have been helping one of the secretaries at the mayor's office learn to take shorthand in English. She already speaks a good bit of English, and she already knows shorthand. What I do is draft a simple business memo in English and dictate it to her slowly. Then she transcribes the letter and we have several good laughs over what I actually said vs. what she heard me say. (The first time I used "2002" in a memo, "two thousand two," she nearly choked. When I said it in French, "deux mille deux," she couldn't believe that was the same as two thousand two in English!) It's been pretty fun, although she comes to my house around 9pm to do this, which is pretty late for me. Philomene is such a nice woman that I didn't mind helping her out in this way at all.
Unfortunately, when I asked Philomene for a favor last week, she refused saying she didn't have time. I was leaving Taabo and had a ride waiting so I was a bit rushed. I asked Philomene to stop by the county office and see how the secretary was doing with a document on the computer. I explained that this would take less than an hour, and since I was leaving immediately, I would appreciate it if she could help me out.
She said no!! She was too busy. This just pushed me over the edge. After all the hours I have put into helping her learn to take shorthand in English, I ask for one hour of her time to help me out and she said no!! Suddenly, I'm feeling like I just don't have time to help her learn shorthand anymore. Perhaps that's terrible, but in discussing it with other volunteers, they are in agreement with me. Somehow Ivorians feel that we are here to serve them and take care of their every need, but that we don't have needs of our own, and they do not have any responsibility in the relationship. Many volunteers that I have talked to have experienced similar problems. In saying "I'm here for the community," somehow that has been heard as "I'm here to bend over backwards for you and accept no payment, thanks, or return activities on your side."
Well, I'm here to tell you that attitude stops in Taabo immediately. I am not the gift fairy. I am not here to solve your problems for you. I am here with ideas and some ability to access funding, but it is for you to prioritize, to help, to think, and to work for your own future. No more mister nice guy!!
I am tired of being challenged on the development methodology I / Peace Corps chooses.
Two examples come to mind. First, I was explaining how our girls scholarship program works. I think the scholarship program is fantastic and I support it wholeheartedly. The woman I was explaining it to said, "What? How come there are no scholarships for boys? Don't you believe in educating boys?" I replied that people here seem to find the money to educate their boys, since high school enrollment is 70% male, but when things get tight, girls are forced to drop out of school. That's why our program targets girls. Again, she came back with "I think you should support boys too. You should come up with a scholarship for boys."
My reaction? If she is dedicated to boys' education, she should feel free to start your own scholarship program, but our program targets girls.
My second example comes from the water pump conversation I had recently with a village. The Peace Corps funding rules are that a community must provide 35% of the cost of a project, either in cash or in kind. I, personally, support that approach. If a community doesn't contribute to their own welfare, I don't think they will take care of the assets they are given or will have any vested interest in their development.
I explained this approach to the village chief who was requesting a water pump (the same village that has allowed their five previous water pumps to break because of lack of maintenance), he was strongly opposed. He argued that the village was too poor to contribute to their own future. He told me I needed to find someone to donate a pump.
Well, frankly, I don't believe in a flat donation. I think the community should have to contribute something, whether that means labor or cash. I will not spend my time looking elsewhere for a donation. If finding a donation is what the chief thinks is important, HE should be the one looking for a donor!
In summary...
I can tell I am tired and I need a break. I can tell I am frustrated with having my ideas and knowledge challenged so frequently by the people I am here to help. I am tired of answering the same questions and justifying my approach over and over again.
I am on strike from Taabo, and when I go back, things are going to be a bit different. Wish me luck! And if you have any insights, please pass them on to me. I am looking for all the help I can get!!